The End Is Very Fucking Nigh

i'm what they call "better off"

The first step — especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money — the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art.

there are two things that I look forward to about crying. the first that cold streaky feeling that one gets on one's cheeks. it feels like it is there even after you wipe your face off with your sleeve. the second is the taste of tears as it reminds me of the ocean and i like the idea of your eyes being able to produce that taste.

working at the art gallery opening in soho last night was interesting; i have never cleaned up someone else's spilled wine so close to a salvador dali painting or eaten so many peppermint bark bars intended for the obnoxiously bourgeoisie.

i like theoretical ("theoretical") economies and the history of development very much; I wish there were a well-timed course in the topic next semester in addition to the one that I'm taking.


Most of my adult life so far has been me standing on seamless paper for a raft of bucks per hour, wearing clothes and shoes, my hair done and some famous fashion photographer telling me how to feel.
Him yelling, Give me lust, baby.
Flash
Give me malice.
Flash
Give me detached existentialist ennui.
Flash
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.
Flash.


the end of this semester is getting me down like a large dog running at a small child. monday it has been requested that i meet with the marketing dept. at nikon regarding a commercial. i applied for internships with poets and writers, poets house, and clarion books for the spring and i wonder if i am missing any other places

(probably)

i bought a salad at saks fifth avenue today and it was twenty five dollars which is absolutely absurd. i am now onto the second season of Dexter. i have an electric blanket, which is great. i just need a goddamn vacation. my library books are overdue.


Without access to true chaos, we'll never have true peace.

I have spent the past week living out of late-night diners and accomplishing vast and impressive amounts of little. well, that is actually wildly inaccurate. i've accomplished quite a lot. but sometimes it doesn't really feel that way. the end of the semester is grandly adept at eliciting that response in an individual. miles to go before i sleep

the elevator rolls back and forth at four in the morning and i wonder whether people are waking up or falling asleep

tomorrow I am working a gallery opening in SoHo and learning about higher education in Ghana and friday I am wandering around saks fifth avenue and experiencing holiday cheer and I had a very nice time with lauren last weekend and I am done with buying gifts. i want to see the tim burton exhibit at the MoMA.

The snake still hasn't digested that mouse

I would like it if it snowed.





letter home


i met a girl, i met this girl last night, i met her
drinking gin and aiming a pool cue. i knew her
by her splinter smile. her crackedchestnut
knuckles and her cornhusk eyelids, her votive
candle skin. the blinking, the sort of languid
blinking for those who don't need to know.
the beadwork of her pores.

i met this girl praying at saint christopher's she
had her fingers knotted on her knee and they looked like
her insides probably did. all contorted and trembled,
a bag of nervous doves, her earrings were caught
in her hair and she wrenched her heart off her sleeve
at the end of the psalm like a leech.

i met her at the park where she looked up-only-up and
her mittens were half off and her neck felt
like worn bedsheets. i swear, i swear
to you, trapped under her tongue were three butterflies.

So my friend Mia tried to hook me up with a friend of hers... we're both from England -_-

I've had sooo many people try and hook me up before I'm sick of it! >.<
Anyway, this reason was even more stupid than I was accustomed to; however,
I really like Mia so played along. I'm so glad I played along. Her name's Nicole!
We were both being stupid about it at first cause we knew what Mia was doing. but it was pretty
obvious that we both thought the other was cute. Anyway, nothing really happened, but I got her number at the end of the night. Suh-weet, DEFINITELY plan to call her over the next couple of days

Today's question is: should I take an EMT certification course? There are two three hour classes a week, and it is eight hundred dollars, but I think that it would be valuable and interesting and it is on my list of things to do. Though--would it be valuable and interesting? Does anyone have any cogent and/or passionate advice on this?

The (Metropolitan) opera (Le Nozze de Figaro) was GREAT and I was late to it so I ran through the city streets like a rambunctious spritely renegade in a pretty lace dress and it was the most youthful that I have felt in quite a while for some reason and I made it there on time and afterward I spoke to my Italian teachers (a lot of italian students went) of whom I am quite fond

The first time that I woke up this morning there was an oil fire in the basement and we had to be evacuated from the apartment, which was pungent and unpleasant. It was fascinating, though, because for the first time in my life I had the experience of quite seriously thinking that I had to pick a handful of objects from my life to keep, and nothing else--all that the firemen were telling us was that there was a fire--this is interesting because choosing these objects to save was a game that I used to always play with myself as a kid.

I was disappointingly pragmatic: laptop, wallet, camera, phone, keys. I couldn't take the snake; he's delicate because he's digesting and it was freezing outside. He is a little lethargic from the toxicity, but I think he's pulling through. The second time that I woke up unexpectedly this morning was for a phone interview for a government internship, during which I wish I had been far more... conscious, but I suppose these things just kind of pan out and you either end up with gold nuggets or pyrite and that is yet to be seen in this plot line

I booked hotel room stuff for Hawaii which is pretty awesome and also I am trying to figure out my courses for next year and my internship(s) alalala la December

I spent three hours in a bookstore today (st. mark's bookstore--my holiday shopping heaven,) two hours watching Dexter, one hour watching Glee, and one hour spending sometime with my "bro" John Ashbery. Tomorrow Lauren Corry and I are taking every holiday sales rack in Manhattan by storm because happy consumerist season, team. Also, this week I am going to learn how to crochet, go to a lecture on installation techniques in contemporary art, and see Chicago on Broadway. And go to the Frick! Hopefully. These are my imminent grand plans.


THERE IS A BOW ON MY DOOR IT IS HOLIDAY TIME